Losing My Voice

Well, today I decided to start my own blog post. I’ve been wanting to do it for a while, but I just didn’t have something that motivated me enough to write and share with others. Starting one of these blogs was a suggestion by my mentor, who suggested I start one to help with my thoughts and to practice writing for my DMA document (Yikes!).

I found that topic today (more like – it found me), so I decided to share it with other people. I find it very difficult to share some of my deeper thoughts and emotions, though I have no problem with sharing snap opinions and random thoughts. Hopefully, this will be entertaining, if not helpful, to someone.

The title, Losing My Voice, doesn’t have anything to do with not being heard as an individual, a woman, a young person, etc. It has everything to do with how I see the creation of true music.

Sometimes, and almost randomly, I find myself playing clarinet as if all of the emotion and personality has been drained out of body. Yesterday was one of those days. When creating music, I think that this is the most important thing to have, every time.

When I lose my voice, it not only affects my practice time, but it leaks into the rest of my day and sometimes my week. I haven’t pinpointed what causes it or why, but I do know what it takes for me to get out of that funky mood. It takes a sign.

Sometimes this sign can come in the form of a simple compliment or a good hug. Sometimes it can be heard through a recording of simple, yet beautiful piece of music or song. It can appear in a variety of ways as long as it grabs my attention.

Today, I got my sign. It appeared in the form of a letter that I wrote to myself on the last day of the SAVVY Musician in Action workshop/conference in June 2015. Although we were all required to write our future selves a letter, I never expected it to arrive in my mailbox at a time when I needed it the most.

Now, I won’t retype the entire letter, but I will quote one line that has given me a renewed motivation and encouragement, and overall, I’ve found my voice again.

“Just know that you have the tools to be brave and creative and to find the enjoyment and soul in things you love.”

I do have the tools to be what I want to be, do what I want to do, and feel how I want to feel, and so do you. The sign can come in different forms, but you’ll always know it when you find it.